A Childless Woman Questions

Yesterday, Jack and I shared a lovely afternoon with friends in various stages of parenthood.  Our hosts, Mike and Lindsay, are raising two little ones;  another couple have twins on the way; Frank and his wife Patty raised five kiddos and now enjoy being grandparents to an expanding brood. Another couple, like Jack and I, are childless.

As I often do after spending time with friends’ children or my nieces, I reflect on our journey through through trying, failing and ultimately, perpetually tabling the issue of having a child.  And then come the nagging questions:  Will I wake up one day with a hole blasted through me wondering why didn’t we try harder? Have I failed to fulfill the ultimate accomplishment of a woman?  And if so, is everything I do now just a second-rate, subconscious attempt to fill that role of life-giver, nurturer, mother?

I’m not sure I’ll ever find the answers.  All I can do is practice gratitude for what I have and for people like my family and friends who give more than they ever could imagine everyday to provide a happy, stable life for the vulnerable, dependent, curious, precious little souls God has entrusted to them.

My adorable niece, Charlotte, and her pup

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